on a side note - reflections

before I address the question I posed (which was the subject of a rather interesting and recent converastion I had with someone else), just thought I'd take a little time for reflection.

I find that often I return from lesson to reflection.
To that line of thought that either is or was at confusion's inception.
As though my mind comes full circle to its original insurrection.
Where I thought that what I had did not match my predilection.

And I think to lessons past I've learned of off track expectation.
Those mis-led which I have of my wholliest relation.
And those I see which to believe have become my temptation.
and I wonder if from deep within me stirs this skewed sensation.

I look to right and left and see a fulfilled generation.
Of those who look to you and receive boundless pledged elation.
And those with whom you would have eternally spent creation.
Those to whom your Pleasure'd be to grant entire nations.

and with patience
I look on.
I see those who you've made strong
I see those with whom you've taken long
strides
I see those with whom you've taken long
rides
on a wild steed
through wild feilds with rustling trees.
Up wild mountains with a sweet smelling breeze.
And accomplishments to them to give your pleased.

And I have seized upon this every instance
To pause and look to you and give thanks
Because through this I am covered at my flanks.
through this I am protected, your ranks, and encouraged.
It gives me coruage.

But when I look my hands seem empty
No map to where you send me
and My enemies they rend me
when I look to them lost along the path
and when in wrath I cry out
you hear my shout and whisper back

perhaps too soft for me to hear.
This turn too sharp for me to steer.
This hope, so far, at times I fear.
That here alone I shed this tear
that you are no where near
and through darkenss, I try and peer
and I see nothing.

Darnkess all around
from brothers, often not a sound
though I call oput in the dark.
some voices miss thier mark.
Would you send spark, or light or torch
would you send heat my freeze to torch

But again although I try
Does your ear pass my voice by?
or am I fed a lie, which I follow as a doubt