financial aid gremlins

Ok, I usualy put some fairly serious and thoughtful entries on this blog, but I'm going to make an exception this time. Can ANYONE in this world tell me HOW!! HOW!! can 1 financial aid office manage to completely ruin my life so comletely? How is it that one office can misclassify my student loans EVERY SIMESTER for 5 simoultaneous simesters? Reason tells me that I will have rent, utility, and food expenses starting from the begining of the simester until the end, at least. This is the normal course of things. Yet the financial aid office has managed, for the 5th simester in a row, to 'misclassify' my loans, so that I am in reciept of such in OCTOBER. Between now and then, I have to hope that my profesors don't heed emails telling them that I am not to be allowed to sit in thier class for lack of payment of tuition. I can only pray that I am not evicted, that my power isn't shut off, and that I can find some way to get food. First simester last year, this happened as well. The summer before that, I wasn't given credit for the class that I was taking, andI wasn't given ANY financial aid at all for the first simester, nor was I allowed to register for classes. This happened all at once, and I inquired why. It turned out that my summer tuition loan had been 'misclassifed.' IT HAD BEEN APPROVED FOR 2007!! Therefore, hadn't been paid! Therefore, I couldn't get the subsequent simesters financial aid to pay tuition OR for living expenses! What did I do? I had to pay the previous summer's tuition OUT OF POCKET, so that I could get the student loans to pay first simester tuition, forget about living expenses! I didn't get my May-Augst 2005 loans until March of 2006!!!! WHAT THE HECK PEOPLE!!! HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO CLASSIFY A FLIPPIN' LOAN!!!! What, you may ask, is the problem?? I've deduced that financial Aid gremlins live in my school. It is, apparently, the oldest law school in the continental U.S., or so it claims. I think its actualy the oldest in NY, since Harvard was, I believe, the first real law school in the U.S., which would probably make it the oldest by necesity. I could be wrong about this, but if it is as old as it claims to be, gremlins would have had plenty of time to establish themselves, and learn the ins and outs of the computer system. Yup, financial aid gremlins. thats the problem.

You might be my wings

Freinds. Sometimes, we don't really appreciate how much we need them. But perhaps, even more often, we don't come at all close enough to realizing how much we are needed.
Everyone struggles, everyone has doubts, worries, and periods of defeat. In many of these times, we find ourselves with no one to turn to. Remember any times of dispair in your own life? How relieved you were when your freind picked up the phone? How much better did you feel when your tears were heard by caring ears, when they fell on loving shoulders, when the arms that wrapped around you were a freinds? Before Jesus was ressurected, the disciples gathered together, as freinds, as brothers and sisters. They only had each other. And in that, they found stregnth, they found comfort, they found the ability to face the next day.

We are nothing without those to support us. Look at what I am sure is a favorite work of many of us. Look at Frodo. What!? What was Frodo without Sam?! One lapse in judgement in that regard landed him in the web of a giant spider and in the hands of the enemy. Without Aragorn, without Sam, with out Merry and Pippin, without Gandalf, without the elves, Frodo would have never, never, never suceeded. Without friendship, at every crossed path, Middle Earth would have perished. Look at the one man in all of Middle who could have made it alone. Boromir, the Tolkien epitomy of Natty Bumpo, the strongest and most independent man, if anyone could go it alone it was he. He couldn't. Boromir died, and could not even protect his companions. Not alone.



I love Houghton.
By the way, I love all of you too.

10,064 feet

In Genesis, every time God creates something, it is Good. This past weekend, I went up Mount SanAntonio with a very close freind. After seeing the moon rise so brightly that its hard to look at, after looking down on the clouds covering Los Angeles county as the sun climbed over them like a lava flow on the horizon, and later on that morning seeing the pacific ocean from about 120 miles away, on a somewhat snowy mountain peak at 10,064 feet, I'm a little closer to seeing why.

like its 1999

If Heaven rejoices everytime just one soul is set free...let's give the angels a reason to party.

Water Can Be a Rock

There once lived a man who came from a broken past, he lived in a broken house, from a broken family, he had broken ways, and had broken things. He once left this brokenness in pursuit of something whole. But like many of us who come from brokenness, he had a difficult time casting it off. He had made some great friends and been a great friend to many other broken people. But one day, their paths led them apart in different directions. The man started to see his broken ways returning. Despite an immense personal effort, and many cries for help, he could not cast off his Brokenness. Then, one day, something happened, and it briefly looked to him as though there was no way to cast off this brokenness, and as if this brokenness would sink him. He looked up to Heaven, and said, “Lord, forgive me for my doubt, but how can I give you to others if I can’t even live for you myself? Perhaps you should use someone else. If people are hungry, send them to someone who can feed them.” The Lord answered him “they do not need to go somewhere else. You feed them.” “But Father,” cried the man, “all I have is brokenness, I have nothing to give!” Answered the Father “Bring this brokenness here to me.” Then the Father took the brokenness, and fashioned into something capable of feeding more people than anyone could have imagined.

There was once another man who worried, who lived in a boat in a stormy sea. He worried about life, about his future, about a job, about money, about finding love, about keeping it, about school, about friends, about time…..about everything. But in the midst of this storm, a voice called out of the rain and wind. “Come to me.” Seeing no other way, and recognizing the voice as his Father’s the man took a step off of the boat. He followed the voice. But he looked around and he saw waves, he saw debt, he saw fear, he saw doubt. He began reaching for things off of the boat to put into his pockets, to plan for his future, to plan for security. But the more he put in his pocket, the heavier he became, and he began to sink. Quickly he called out to the voice, and his Father reached his hand out and saved him. “why did you doubt?” asked his Father.

Well, not the most exciting stories, but true stories

Two more great stories that we all know come from Matthew 14:13. Starting there are two stories we’re all familiar with. First, Jesus feeds the five thousand Then Jesus and Peter walk on water. When the disciples doubted that they could feed the five thousand with only a few loaves and a few fish, Jesus told them “bring them here to me.” After bringing the problem, bringing were they fell short, to Jesus, the problem became food for thousands of people, that falling short became excess. While walking on water, Peter began to doubt and sink. After taking Peter’s hand, Jesus asked him “You of little faith….Why did you doubt?”

Jesus did not tell the disciples to send the five thousand away because they only have five fish and five pieces of bread. Jesus did not tell Peter, “it’s ok, I understand why you doubted, it’s the human thing to do, there was so much to worry about, so many dangers.” Jesus expected Peter to make it, and he wanted Peter to trust him and have faith enough to do it. He not only expected it, he wanted it, he told Peter to come. After he failed, Jesus called him “you of little faith.”

Peter was called to have Faith, he was called to walk on water, but only through faith. We are called to have this same faith. It means that no matter how high the waves, don’t doubt, trust in our Father, and have confidence that you go to meet him wherever you go.
Faced with the most tangible, real, and catastrophic of problems, Faith will get us through. Just have faith. Imagine, like Peter, you are actually in a sea where there is actually a storm and there are actually big waves and rain, lightening, thunder. Imagine, now, that you’ve stepped off your boat and are relying totally on faith. You are, in fact, standing on water. DOH!!! Faith could have gotten Peter through. If faith could have gotten Peter through that, than it can get us through anything. If faith can turn five loaves of bread into enough for Five thousand, than Faith can get us through today, no matter what, and it will get us through tomorrow. Not only will it get us though, but it will do it miraculously, and abundantly.

clarity

At the request of my favorite German, I'd like to take a few minutes and clarify my last entry. That whole Athens/Jerusalem thing, came into my head after thinking about how much I've heard about this secular/spiritual life thing, how much I've heard people expound and talk about how to "blend" the two. To me, it seemed like a whole lot of reasoning, not a lot of doing. But the rest of it had to do with how to go about living that "blend," mostly by realizing that the distinctions don't exist. There is no secular part of our lives. We live in this world, but we are not of this world. There never comes a time when we are not in God's presence, when we are not his representatives here on Earth. In that sense, we don't have a secular life. We all have entirely spiritual lives. Sometimes we fall short of the ideal, but it is none the less spiritual, and none the more secular. Everything we do, we do for our Father, with our Father, because of our Father. My point was, there is no such thing as sacred and secular aspects of our lives. Do I mean that talking about it is bad? Absolutely not. It's great. But I think that we have to remember to DO, including myself. That's always the hard and frusturating part for me.

On another topic. Sometimes I feel like the book of Job is being re-written using myself as a muse. And I notice that, during those times, I'm often tempted to look up and say "what in the name of .....ummm....You....are you doing??!!" Especialy in financial difficulties, or with lonliness, but even with general malcontent. It's always tempting to look to God as ask, why are you not providing for me? Why have you left me here?

Why is this? It's tough to recognize these thoughts for what they are. They are lies. They are lies that the things of this world actualy matter at all. For example, and mostly for humours sake, I live in a pretty bad part of town. I live in a pretty nasty house, on top of that, and as I am writing this, I have just discovered that after long trying to rid my house of them, rodents are again attempting to take it over. From the sounds of them...large ones. This comes at a pretty bad time for me. Added to many other hardships recently acquired,....Ugh, I'm really tempted to start blaming God. But I just recently read the parable of the sower.

Matthew 13:22-23.
"....The one who recieved the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful."
If I believe the lie that the things of this world matter, than I become unfruitful. What good is it then that I should gain the whole world but lose my soul? "But the one who recieves the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yeilding a hundred, sixy, or thirty times what was sown."

I think that once we recognize that these things are of no value, and that God is the only thing of any and eternal worth, once out heart gets straight, he can start safely giving the things of this world into our stewarship. Maybe that's why we go through certain hardships, because we have to learn from experience in order to change our hearts, we have to be tested in order to know ourselves, so that we can actualy focus
on the important things: God.
Just learning with our minds isn't enough, what that sometimes amounts to is mere recognition. Sometimes the best lessons are had in the trenches.

A hard question

Athens and Jerusalem. Tertulian once asked what one had to do with the other. Not to offend the theologians among us, but I think he was onto something. For years I have heard talk of secular lives and spiritual lives, a duality of the human psyche it seems. But I think this is perhaps, artificial.

Is there ever a time when Christ is not present? Is there ever a time he does not see us? Is there ever a time when he wishes us not to reveal him to another? What then of a secular life? A secular aspect to our being?

Sometimes I wonder if heaven and hell are all around us, and we just can’t see them. I believe its in John where Jesus tells some that before they die they will see the coming of the kingdom. And I believe it was Joshua who, when sorely outnumbered by his enemy, looked up and saw an army in the air around him.

This is a hard idea to put into practice. It means, to some, a substantial hardship. Imagine a teacher sharing her faith with a student, or a lawyer with his client, a doctor with his patient. Does that get you nervous? Have we come so far that this is against the law? That this is bad?
Some would ask what if others could do the same? Well, I answer why shouldn’t they. Isn’t it a battle that we are in? And if so, bring on the fight! Don’t let others tell you that there is none. The battle is real. One battle I believe is the realization that there is no secular aspect to our lives. To buy into that is to admit defeat. It is a lie. Where we do not pronounce our faith, another pronounces that Faith is not. We are cut off at the pass.
Picture Peter and John before the Sanhedrin. “Then they called them in again and commanded them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John replied ‘judge for yourselves whether it is right in God’s sight to obey you rather than God.’ For we cannot help speak about what we have seen and heard.” Acts 4:18.

What is the hard part? Doesn't it stem from our finite perspective? Isn't it an issue of faith. In these times, let us not forget that there are indeed four in the fire.